He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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