omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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