he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
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I asked her politely not to touch my dick
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
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What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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