this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
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Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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