I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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