do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
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