then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I cut my penus on the lid.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
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Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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