I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize