i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize