how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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