What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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