it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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