The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
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So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
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Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I think my moral compass just broke
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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