i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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