she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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