when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
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One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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