I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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