i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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