i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
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