Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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