Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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