Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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