I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
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