While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize