i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize