What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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