I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
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One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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