i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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