She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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