The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize