Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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