First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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