chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
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Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
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