Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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