If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize