There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
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I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
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I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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