If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize