What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
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maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
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We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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