Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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