with your own penis?
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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