How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize