i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
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he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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