I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
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i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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