my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
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Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
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Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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