you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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