If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
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I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
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Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
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