dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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