I accidentally had phone sex last night
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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