I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize