just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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